eh?

I dont like this..

I'm now a retainee.

Yeah.. did real badly for my promos, dint meet the criteria.. have to stay back..

sorry alvin, looks like we cant pump Kenny already..

i really dint expect to not advance.. i thought i will at least scrape through.. but i dint.. gosh, its pretty much eating me alive..

now i donno how to tell the kids.. its really a terrible testimony.. how i always tell them to mug hard on sundays, and now i dont think i have the right to do so anymore..plus all the stupid programmes all over again, 2 orientations, NS talk, LOVE MATTERS.. GOSH I HATE LOVE MATTERS, CCA exchange, one more year of guitar.. i hate all those as much as the LOVE MATTERS...mann.. first six weeks in SR uniform.. i think thats the worse punishment.. and my friends, man.. i am literally alone, if i am only counting the physical beings.. new SA guys coming in, asking me why am i in J1, did i get the class mixed up or not.. 1 more year of canteen food.. i more year of listening to kok talk nonsense.. i wonder where did she get her principal-ing licence.. and my new teachers.. will it be kelly tan? nooooooo....
the list goes on, but i guess i am so afraid of retaining because, i pretty much shun away from retainees.. i dont treat them different, but there is this, thing.. and now, i am going to be the victim of the unspoken thing.. on how some people will think of me.. its really irritating..

makes me realised how strong those other retainees are.. but mann, i am not that strong..

why me?

i guess tts what everybody ask.. sigh, but i really rather not go though a repeated year.. set such a bad example.. i know that God's plan will unfold, but.. i thought i have a role to play in pointing the way, for those that are younger than me.. apparantly i dint do such a good job at that, not after this.. i half expect Li Duan to come and talk to me now.. man, i dont want to talk to her..

so everyone ard me is asking me to hold on, fight on, keep on loving Jesus.. wait.. i dont think i ever loved Him..

slept ALOT to escape this, skipped school on thurs, fri..cried too, its nice.. Mervyn(promoted to J2) was beside me when i called my mom and cried.. he broke down too.. mind you, he is a rugby captain. now i know why he is so popular among the girls.. haha..but seriously, he cried cause i cried, how freaky is that? but it felt good, in a warm and gross kind of way.. he told me to be strong when we were both sobbing, and i had to stop crying cos i wanted him to stop crying..haha.. i will miss that guy.. yeah, we both admitted, that was pretty gay later..

at least i have Anand.. got retained too.. 1 more year to share Jesus..

1 more year to study Jesus before NS, to study with Jesus, to just be with Jesus

heyy..maybe its not half as bad.. one more year to tell people about Jesus, not that i am doing that now, but..weeelll... one more year..

on the warmer and nicer side, God cushioned my week before the exam results was released.. first, on sunday, the band and the choir cheered me on for like, 30 secs? just making so much noise to encourage me..Weixiong said"go Ling Quan!"..haha.. and they were cheering me on to like, praise God? so its pretty awesome, now i know why encouragements meants so much to people, cos its realllll special..for a moment there it was like God telling me, good job kiddo.. and then the next day i got awarded by mdm wong as best speaker for PW, haha..shoik, got praised like, alot of times for that monday? suang xia, classmates were so sick of her praising me..haha..

and there comes the stumbling thing.. i think that was real sweet.

yup..one more year..

posted by ling quan @ 1:52 AM