still pretty depress..hahaha...
still very sian about my results.. on how i cannot make it to JC becos my mom dont want.. that i dint make it to SAJC.. really need some leaders or mentors to come and encourage me..haha..but its ok, i just need to make sure i be a good leader when my members need me..please help me to be one God..just recalled the time when Cindy called me at 1.30 am and her first statement was " You still sleeping ah!" haha..crazy sia.. but thank God i wasnt asleep la, and we went on talking about cell..really very glad that God made her my co leader, she trust God very strongly, i donno wad i will do without her man..
went for support grp too, and it struck me on Jia Jun's faith.. it never did died.. and he has the least problems simply because he tries to solve other people's stuff before his.. yeah, he might not be the best speaker or the most attention catching one, in fact he is always the one at the back ground.. but he never fails to support, never fails to aid.. he was the first one to ask me about my results..and the first one to cheer me up.. i had this sudden urge for him to pray for me, haha.. because unlike me, he prays not for people to hear.. really, God uses the weak to show His glory, not that JJ is weak, but this example he is setting really really really speaks to me..
everyone was pretty droney today during support grp.. i dint wanted to go one, but because i need to play for Jan, so i had to go loh..den very quiet, until jan took away my git, and made me comment on the Div. meet.. hai, so i snapped out of sad sad mood, ahah, cos the atmosphere there was pretty heavy already.. donno if that is right or not, cos i nv ask them to support me.. maybe next week la, when they are feeling better
went out with magesh, ben and shawn again..haha..had lunch, played some arcade and pool.. it was fun, but spend like, 18 bucks..hai, had not much money le, working very sian.. so doono where the income is going to come anymore.. family facing some finicial probs.. yeah.. sian..had to leave early too, cos need to go for support grp mah..den bought
Mom justed walked into the room, she is pretty stressed, cos of all the work.. everynight sleep at, like 6am..sian.. i am also showing her some attitude, cos she is making me go poly, something which i dont want..i see her point la, but i guess i am just being very childish, and she has to put up with me.. feeling pretty bitter, making her go through all this.. she came in to tell me dont always be so upset,cos it hurts her too.. she offered talking to me to sort out the reasons for asking me to go poly and telling her what i actually want.. but i rejected it, cos i pretty much know its pointless.. she is very strong, but i know it hurts inside, i feel very bad.. wonder if i will put this on till i graduate poly..
very very sian..haha, i feel like breaking down..hopefully that wont happen.
Cell members asked me about my results.. think i set a very bad example for them.. hai.. Nick told me, Dont be sad, take pride in what you do and always give thanks to God.. i think thats what he said.. very sweet, it rocks to have such cute members..
thought of Jeremy Tan.. someone who left Church for another church.. met him in choir, he was a good singer and mentor.. he decided to take care of me spiritually when he saw me one day heading towards the kopi tiam alone, and after offering to eat with me, he took up the responsiblity of showing me care.. he made sure i was alright when i looked down, and even after he left, he came back during Christmas to pass me a card..sometimes he will sms sweet msgges, and called me recently to ask me about my results, made sure i made the right choices on poly..even offered to take me down to look at his poly.. i mean, i take care of my cell partially because i need to account to Liduan and Sam, but Jem is doing it out of, his freewill you know.. but i am very passive towards his care..if i were him, i would have gave up on me le loh.. God's love really shine through this brother, i hope God blesses him abundantly..
i also do have this very cool mentor, Celeste.. i guess after having so many leaders, she is the only one who cared loh, i donno how much, but more then the donno how many ldrs i had la.. dont even know how many of them backslided.. she will send me christian songs, until i feel so pai say..every Christmas she will also gimme beautiful cards..she has the nicest cursive handwriting i ever seen..i nv sent any back..sian sia.. asked about my results too, the only leader who did that..haha.. i cannot imagine going on without such leaders.. would have prob. BSed le.. thank God for her undying concern, i pray that God will also show her His undying concern.. hehe..
I guess it helps to count the blessings when one is down.. i realise i have many beautiful people around me, although, very clearly, not perfect, but moulded into huge vessels to hold other smaller vessels through their tough times.. i want to be there when my kids run into problems.. i hope i wont be another hypocrite..
very very upset.. but somehow, God seems nearer now
though the pain is, an ocean
tossing us, around, around and around...
You have calm, greater waters
higher mountains have come down.
JOC-mercy song
posted by ling quan @ 1:43 AM
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